you don't want to read this

WHO I AM
i try to be someone i'm not
by falling into you
i lose myself in feeling
that my actions are wrong
i lose myself in
believing that i must
become someone else
i must live in myself
no one can help me
my salvation must come
from within
i grew up hating myself
putting others down
to feel stronger
i grew up not trusting myself
believing that my way
was not the right way
my salvation must come
from within
all my life i was cheated
of my innocence
all my life i was treated differently
because of my "beauty"
i lose myself in the ignorance
of hating who i am
i lose myself in the violence
of hating who i am
i find myself in the glory
of knowing who i am

i just want to punch

you in your face

i just want you to

listen to me

you never hear what

i am saying

i just want you to care

hold me, let me know

that everything's

gonna be all right

i love you too much

this isn't going to work

i might as well bail

out now

before things get too deep

why did i let you fuck me

you hate me

why do i let you

cause me so much pain

i am dying inside

i need my independence

i need my life back

why do i love you so muchyou just use me

i am so angry

this is not healthy

i feel like such a fool
i knew in my heart
what you were going to do
i didn't follow my heart
and it has ripped us apart
all the time we were together
things just didn't seem to fit
i thought that i could
make things better
i could be more open
more supportive
more seductive
i thought that sex was
what you wanted
the whole time i was
fucking a stranger
i didn't know you at all
i never knew you
you are constantly changing
your quest for wisdom
killed us
i can't be angry
you did what was best
i know that you
didn't mean to hurt me
i know that you
once loved me
i know that you
couldn't give me all i
wanted, needed and deserve
i will always cherish you
and our time together
i can honestly say
that i regret nothing
i wanted to be angry
but you weren't happy and
that would've killed me
in the end
i feel very tranquil-
knowing that i
haven't really lost you
i will miss you-
the little things,
your touch
your kiss
your smile
your eyes
those are the things
that make me cry
knowing that i will never hold you
again-
that hurts the most
this will be so hard
you've really hurt me
but you've saved me
that's what you did for me
you made me realize
what i was doing to myself
you opened my mind
you made me think
i cherish you for that
i will always love you
seeing you will be so difficult

i am on overly emotional

needy, dependent, confused

little girl

you had me on my knees

begging for forgiveness

when i didn't really need it

i still ask you to forgive me

i never did anything wrong

why do you have this power

over me?

i can't eat

i can't sleep

i can't love

i cry all day long

you really hurt me

you should be the one

on your knees

begging for my forgiveness

i hope one day you realize

what you lost

what you did to me

no one will ever love you like

i did

like we did

she loved you too

i understand her now

you said that you love me

more than anything

that you would move

mountains for me

at least i had your love

even if it was for a

short time

i know that you did love me

i just wish that you

still did

i keep thinking that maybe,

just maybe

we'll work things out

that won't happen will it?

all my tears are for you

i've never cried so much

for one person

that's how much you

meant to me

i knew you couldn't

give me the love i wanted

but i can always dream

i am consumed my love

not just for you

but the idea that there

is one true love out there

consumes me

you let me down

i did expect too much

i tried not to

i had too much faith in you

i had too much faith in myself

thinking that i could change you

when you couldn't even

change yourself

tell me that this is

hard for you too

tell me that you will

miss me too

i felt you die in my arms
that night
the man that i once loved
was no longer in sight
you are a shadow of the man
i once knew before
you ripped my heart out
and threw it on the floor

i am obnoxious

i am annoying

very emotional

jealous

needy

i am a frightened, confused

little girl

who is starved for attention

i am a goddess of emotions

i am scared of everything

i want to sing

i want to reach someone

i want to be some little girls

Ani DiFranco

i am a good person

i am naive

pathetic

ugly

beautiful

i am everything

i am a walking contradiction

there are so many fears that i will never

get over

i don't know where they come from

i will never truly know myself

there are certain things

that will always be there

but, i am ever changing

my emotions run wild

i just want to be special

to someone

i desperately want to be

beautiful

i don't think i'm pretty

i'm ordinary

someone once told me that

i had a sad, humble

kind of beauty

i used to love my eyes

they seem so empty now

kind of scary

i have big ears

uneven skin tone

big teeth

big nose

huge, empty. frightened eyes

confused

i am me

i can never change that

whatever

i am a strong woman

i want someone to love me

for my mind

that's why i'm not a pretty girl

there is so much more to me than that

i want to dance

in the spring rain

and cry in the moonlight

i want to be myself

i have a happy, giddy,

obnoxious disposition

BLAH

- Melissa Ann Cook 1999
don't steal my shit

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